Itachi's Thoughts
by MaiaNishikawa23
Summary: Ever want to see a little into that boys head? These are Itachi's thoughts after some key events in the story. Enjoy!
1. Arguing with Himself

The rain poured down on Itachi's tormented face as he knelt down to the ground. He looked up to the sky. His brother's eyes had been full of hatred he remembered. But it hadn't been enough. It was as if the gap between the two of their strengths hadn't changed a bit. There was just no way Sasuke would ever best it. The young man cursed his own geniousness and everything his life had become. Wasn't there some way out? No. Not unless it meant killing himself which he wasn't about to do. He was on a mission and shouldn't a genius like him be able to see a mission through?

He remembered what the elders had said. They had greeted him as if he was family. They had actually treated him like he was their own! How he hated the two vehemently- how he wanted to rip them both apart, compress their very being until there souls screamed. Maybe then they would finally comprehend the hellish reality they had forced him to endure. He would have. If it weren't for the circumstances.

Time alone was a hellish agony. And Sasuke had such a long way to go. It was so unfair. Why must he, Itachi Uchiha, a prodigy and a peaceful man be forced to pay through the gall for the quarrels of such mediocrity? Why must he alone suffer this torment?

There wasn't so much more to go. Soon he would be rid of his suffering, right? And it was for a good cause, was it not?

What good is an attempt at peace if so many have to die in the making? That could not be justice, for that was how war started. It was a never-ending cycle of killing for revenge and he was caught in the middle of it. Curse the world that had saw fit to make it this way.

The deaths he had caused were not his fault.

They had brought it onto themselves. And what a saint he was to have taken the duty upon him self, to have sacrificed everything that ever meant anything to him in hope that the village could live in peace and bliss that he so desperately longed for.

But then, there must have been something inside of him that led him to make this decision in the first place? After all, he had been pressured from both sides. His reality was peace. Even with all that pressure they had not and could not take his identity away. So who was to say it was his fault if he didn't want to play along? The fools they were to believe he would willingly give himself and his talents to use at their disposal.

Should he quit? Should he decide to leave the life of the shinobi and perhaps start over from the beginning?

He could run away and spend his life moving from place to place in solitude. He could live in the mountains and start a family there and rebuild the Uchiha in his more peaceful image. Then when the time came, Sasuke could kill him, and his children would learn to frown down on revenge and hatred. The sharringan would be used not to maintain rules and balance power between the nations but to… but to… he didn't know. Something would come to him.

There had to be some way he could put his skills to better use… to achieve peace.

............

No no no, it would never work. How could he live a normal and peaceful life with the blood of so many on his hands? His life had been torn apart, now like broken glass spread upon the floor. He had no desire to live in a world filled with such injustice. And what injustce it was to have your life taken away by your own brother. Part of Itachi still hated his brother. Well, more that he hated himself at his brother really. And it wasn't fair that he must be the peacefull one to suffer the most out of the two of them.

He could kill him. He could just kill him. Sasuke deserved to die for making him end up like this- it was his fault. And a shinobi should not care about what killing their own brother would do to them on the inside because shinobi are made out of rock. There was no room for a heart in such a cruel reality. Was it not his duty to carry out the mission? Was he not also part of the hating Uchiha clan? He had every right to take the life of his younger borther whom he had planned to use for power in the first place. The boy was responsible for the hell Itachi suffered and it was time he pay the dire consequences. And then without his brother, Itachi would be free of his past obligations. He could start fresh and begin life as a new man.

It would be easy. It would be so easy.....

--that's it, hope you liked it! i tried to make it like he was arguing with himself between 'good; and 'evil. And though the evil one seems to have reached a solid confusion, it turns out Itachi could be in quite a bit of denial. Next chapter.... Accepting Reality!!!

Don't forget to write a review back if you like this. Whenever I get those I get so happy and they really mean a lot. Bye!


	2. Accepting Reality

Damn that Orochimaru. Damn him to hell.

Itachi coughed up more blood.

It had been a week since he had left on his own to search for the sword. And the bearer had been powerful but Itachi was more so. Not to say it hadn't been difficult. (If it weren't for Itachi's young age in comparison to the old man he probably would have needed to ask for help!) He spit the last of the blood at the thought.

He had returned to his master with sword in hand. Just three days had he reached for the more than light glimmer of hope. And then the coughing came. Madara had called it Karma. Why should a man called Itachi have the right to pursue his own version of artificial happiness? Shun the thought. He had been foolish. That was all. And now Itachi was left to wallow in his hellish pit of darkness. His cage.

Itachi had gone to Orochimaru- no other doctor would have treated him, would they?- with a look of simmering rage , anguish and helpessness on his face. The man had consented to let Kabuto see to him because if it. He had found the face amusing beyond words. He hadn't told them the truth of course. He had said it was his own selfish desire. And Sasuke would have no reason to become stronger if he found out his brother was dead would he? Kabuto proceeded with the tests. Orochimaru finally came in with the results. Cruel smile on his face as always.

Itachi was diagnosed with a terminal illness. He had two years to live.

After a fit of rage and genjutsu- he had taken Kabuto into his sharringan to experience the pain with his own vulnerable heart. And after a few threats to Orochimaru, he left and returned to headquarters.

Now the man stood soaking in the pouring rain. He looked up at the sky and then briefly at Kisame (who had just heard the news) now forced at once to finally accept the truth he had so desperately denied himself. That day—what he had said to Sasuke—had been directed soley at himself.

He lacked hate. He didn't have what it takes. And you know something? He never would.

Hope you enjoyed this part; this was one of my favorite things to write on Itachi! Actually I think the sword had been given to him by Madara, but I wanted to make him get it himself in hopes of escaping his fate as a Weasel. PLEASE PLEASE WRITE A REVIEW TO THIS IF YOU LIKE IT!!! Itachi thanks you for reading his diary! ^/_\^


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